Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by abuon18 on October 3, 2015 at 7:33pm

What is his A school for?

There are going to be so many things that are going to pop up between now and the time he gets settled in A school for you to get out there so my advice is to stay where you are for now and continue working on your degree. It is so much more difficult to move and start over as a girlfriend and not a spouse and if he is only going for A school he may have to move again when he gets his orders for his first duty station, and that means you will have to move again, leave school again, hope you can transfer credits and start over, not to mention the cost - I don't know where you live know, but as long as you are not married, you will have to pay for the moves out of pocket. When you are married the Navy will pay for them.

You say you want to marry him, and if and when that happens you will have to move around and leave school, leave jobs, etc. so I believe the best thing you can do is get as adjusted to him being in the Navy as you can, get as complete with your schooling as you can, and then address moving and marriage once you're in a position to start looking for jobs - it will be easier to move then and if he is at his permanent duty station it is more likely he will be able to live with you even if you are not married.

I am not saying you must wait until you're finished with school before you get married - if you both feel the same way and are ready to get married then I don't think you need to wait necessarily, but as you are not married I think there are a lot of struggles you'll encounter moving for A school that you can avoid by waiting until he's at his permanent duty station after A school.

Permalink Reply by DieselLady on October 4, 2015 at 12:36am

Hey, let me just tell you I can relate. I am 19, my fiancé 20. He is newly enlisted and is about to leave for bootcamp. We had to deal with the same exact situation. So here's how we are handling it-
I am going to stay where I am and finish my degree, it is important for me to finish it out and get the education. He is going to do what he can to get based near me but we both know that there are no guarenttees and that there is a good chance we will be separated. I know it's going to suck but if we can just make it the next 1.5 years till I graduate then I know things will be ok for us.
You have to have faith that things will work out as they should and thay everything will be ok. In the grand scheme of things, a few years apart so that you can ensure you have an education will seem like a tiny period of time compared to the rest of your lives.
(This is how I have told myself to look at it)

Permalink Reply by Anti M on October 4, 2015 at 8:00am

Finish your degree before moving.  His time during A school will not be his own, it will take weeks, if not a few months, for him to even have overnights offbase on weekends.  He cannot live offbase during that time, no exceptions.  He will be in the barracks.  

I don't know the cost of living where you are, but getting an apartment without BAH in California is going to be insanely crazy.  Even if he pays for it out of his base pay, you won't have enough money to go to school as an out of state student.  

Which rating is he signed up for?  He'll be in San Diego or Monterey, both very expensive areas. My husband retired from the Navy while stationed in San Diego, we were both offered jobs at 50K each, and declined because the cost of living was too high there, and that was a while ago.

Sounds like he is afraid of losing you, or is worried about being lonely.  He has to deal with that, he cannot expect you to drop all your plans too just to prevent him from worrying.  He is faced with uncertainty too, trying to control what elements he can.  Nope, Big Navy is going to be in charge.  Big Navy does not provide time or money for girlfriends.  You need to finish school, get on your feet, then make your future happen after he get orders to his permanent duty station.