Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Brooke on July 20, 2015 at 4:12pm

Awesome I will add you, I'm sure I will have questions later on!

Permalink Reply by abuon18 on July 20, 2015 at 3:55pm

My husband and I did this for a "short" time while he was on deployment. We were stationed in San Diego and then he got orders to Virginia. After receiving his orders we found out his ship would be deploying in less than 3 weeks after he arrived so we decided it would be best for me to stay in San Diego until they returned from deployment.

If you will not be living with your husband his command has to approve that and often they will not unless there is a good reason. The reason they often will not approve this is because as his dependent, you receive BAH for where you, the spouse, is living (if not currently at his duty station) and then they also have to house your husband, either in the barracks or on the ship, when he is receiving BAH for his housing. So the Navy is basically paying for 2 households. Unless there is a good solid reason behind it - medical reasoning like you have a condition that needs certain care that isn't available in the area he is stationed. Not just because you don't want to move away from your family. Even finishing a degree is often not enough of a reason for this to be approved. Some commands will require the spouse to move to where their husband or wife is stationed regardless of if they have schooling left or they will just pay BAH for one zip code and then you have to house both of you on that. So he has to find a place to live because the ship won't house him because he's receiving BAH and you have to find a place to live.

If this is something you are considering he needs to talk to his command. But three and a half years is a LONG time. You may be far away from your family but you will make friends, you will keep yourself busy. You can always move home if/when he deploys if you are unhappy. In my opinion, being with my husband is more important than being near my family and friends. You've mentioned the reasons your husband doesn't want you to move to his duty station but what about you? How do you feel?

PS - we spent 3 years in San Diego and California is so beautiful. We can't wait to return. I really think it's an opportunity you shouldn't pass up!

Permalink Reply by Christy on July 20, 2015 at 6:29pm

Wow thank you so much for all the information...I honestly never told him I didn't wanna live with him...it was basically just him assuming everything w/o me telling him how I feel about it...and maybe right now he is not aware of all this information you have told me...but again thank you so much I really appreciate it :)

Permalink Reply by abuon18 on July 20, 2015 at 6:42pm

You're welcome! It's definitely something to talk to him about ... Did someone he works with suggest this to him? You said he just assumed this is what you wanted so I would have a conversation with him and let him know how you feel about it so you can make a decision together! Good luck!

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