Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Niclisten on May 20, 2015 at 3:08pm

His Supervisors are way out of line. It is absolutely no business of theirs who is married. None. Zero. I recommend you have a sit down with your boyfriend away from these people who are abusing their authority and control over him.

I get tired of hearing people say that marriages don't work out in the military. They do and they can. In many ways they are much more work, but whatever the supervisors opinions are don't matter one lick.

Permalink Reply by animesweetart79 on May 20, 2015 at 9:24pm

Well we aren't married, but it still worries me a lot that he is surrounded by people who are discouraging him about our relationship. Thank you Niclisten, it's nice to know that there are people who believe that things will work out. I'm just not sure what I should do at this point, because he isn't home yet...

Permalink Reply by Niclisten on May 20, 2015 at 9:26pm

I'm married. The recruiter told me straight up they discourage it because it's a tremendous amount of paperwork and they hate doing it. Too bad.

My guess is they can't be bothered with the process. Hang in there :)

Permalink Reply by coavlanche on June 18, 2015 at 11:54pm

Hi, I am in a similar place as you are, but my girlfriend doesn't graduate bootcamp until 7/10.  I had fears of this kind of thing when she enlisted and now I'm even more concerned.  I'm just curious how things are working out now regarding this?  Hopefully he isn't heeding any of the advise of his supervisors.

By the way, I see we're neighbors.  I'm in the Boulder area :)

Permalink Reply by Anti M on May 21, 2015 at 9:37am

With orders to Japan, he may feel it is unfair to ask you to wait for two or three years.  Even if you did marry, you would not go overseas with him.   This is a difficult situation, and yes, in some cases, it is just too hard.  But others make it work.  Only you two can talk it over and decide what is best for the both of you.  

Navy instructors are often discouraging of long distance relationships because it is hard on the couple.  The Navy has spent tens of thousands of tax dollars to train your sailor to do a very specific job, so they want your sailor focused.  You can be an asset that way, help him see you can hold up your end, you can be strong when he has long days and nights of work, you can deal with the times he cannot be in communication.  For a few years, the Navy will come first.  He signed up for it, he took the oath.  That is a huge commitment.  A relationship is huge too, but to be perfectly realistic, the Navy is going to be first while he is active duty.  It sucks.  Can you be 100% supportive under those circumstances?  You have to convince your sailor you can be the positive asset, not the anchor.

I was half of a dual military couple, we saw each other 28 days in two years.  It worked  out fine, 28 years married now.  He re-enlisted and served 20, I only served nine years.  

Do not give up, but be prepared for rough seas before the smooth sailing.  Good luck.