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Wedding after Courthouse marriage?
Hi ladies! I have seen a bit of discussion about this topic on here, but didn't find anything recent and I would love some advice. My sailor is in A school right now, and will be getting orders for C school or additional training within the next month or so. While we both really would like a traditional wedding ceremony and reception, we both just don't see it happening because there won't be a good time and it will be nearly impossible to plan. We'd love to wait until we can have a wedding, but of course we want to be married before his training is complete so that I could move with him to his permanent duty station. We have talked a lot about getting married at the courthouse here after his A school is complete, and then having a ceremony and reception in one year (if he is even able to, we might have to wait for that too). But sometimes I feel a little silly having a ceremony or even a vow renewal that mimics a ceremony... but him and I both really love the idea of a ceremony, having bridesmaids and groomsmen, etc. Any of you who have been in a similar situation, what have you done? Any and all advice and experience is appreciated!!
Views: 560
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by amber02888 on
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That's what my husband I are doing! We got married at the courthouse while he was in A School (if you get married while he's in San Antonio use Don Lang - he's great and knows everything you need to do before/after the ceremony with the military - he made our process very easy). We're Catholic so we're having a convalidation ceremony at our church at home and reception afterwards a year from our Courthouse ceremony. It's a little untraditional, but seems to be very common from the military spouses I've met. It made moving with my husband when he got orders and the transition a lot easier.
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Permalink Reply by NavyWifey12 on
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Hi! My hubby and I got engaged in July, married in September and he left for bootcamp in October. Super fast right? We wanted to plan a wedding for his time during A school but I realized it would be too stressful. He needed to concentrate on school. His school is only 2 months but idk how long your mans is? We are going to his first duty station next month and we decided to have a wedding in December this year. Whatever you do, make sure you have one. My brother and his wife have been married 11 years and he's in the Navy but they never had one and regrets it. Our wedding isn't during any of our special months but we don't care because we never got to celebrate with anyone. We went to the courthouse for a license only but walked out married lol. Please let me know if you have any questions! I know how hard it is to wait to have one and there are so many what ifs but it will happen as long as you're set on it. I say get married, collect some extra BAH and save it for the wedding.
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Permalink Reply by sailormaid on
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We're doing the same thing as amber02888… we did a courthouse wedding in December and we're doing a big Catholic wedding for our families in 2017. It was actually kind of nice to have the courthouse one be just us. It was really sweet and intimate and we didn't have to worry about coordinating a big party or entertaining guests, we could just focus on each other.
I felt a little weird about it at first, and I'd be sad if we didn't get to have the big wedding eventually, but it really makes a lot of sense for the Navy.
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Permalink Reply by Bronco14 on
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Ah thanks ladies! You're comments have made me feel a lot better! Amber, we just might do it here in San Antonio, so thanks for the recommendation! I never thought I would do it this way but now that we are in it and the Navy makes all of our life decisions, I totally see why this is the best way and why it is so common! NavyWifey, my boyfriend's A school is 4 months long, we began early December so he has about 2 months left. I also was worried about not having a wedding the month we wanted it in, but I see that that is such a small detail and not really anything to worry or care that much about. Are you going to have a traditional wedding ceremony in December then? My bf and I aren't religious or anything, so we likely won't have one in a church, our dream has always been an outdoor ceremony up in the mountains close to home. I'm worried having a normal ceremony might be weird but I know that people do it. What I've read online, girls say to call it a vow renewal rather than a wedding, but I just don't really want to do that haha. Sailormaid, I didn't even think about how having a courthouse marriage just the two of us would make it special and intimate, I really love that! Again, thank you girls SO much!
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I felt the same way, but the one thing I've learned is be flexible with the military lol
Here's Don's contact info: (210)224-1145
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Thank you!! Yep, I am a planner by nature so the military has definitely taught me that not everything can be planned lol. I like to think it's good for me :P
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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Two things here: in many cases, marrying after A school means you are not on the orders. I looked at your page, if he is an HM, then you're probably okay as most of the C schools are long, but be aware that anything less than 20 weeks will have his follow on orders attached. I'm mostly posting this for others who are reading and thinking of marrying after A school, sounds like he has an idea of what he may get, and is counting on a long C school. You need to marry about four weeks before he gets any orders to be on them, and that happens about a month before they graduate A school. So, now, or soon, very soon.
Lots of couples plan the courthouse now, ceremony later thing. Call it a vow renewal, and it is just fine to have the pomp and the party. However, year one at a command is often a busy time for sailors at their first duty station, and getting leave can be tricky. Many times the second ceremony is put on hold for much later, or is planned last minute, or the money they saved up goes into their first home or car. It can be done, but you have to stay flexible! Congrats and good luck.
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Thank you. We aren't too worried about me being on his next orders, as we think it will only be a two month training (FMTB) so the Navy wouldn't move me there anyway. But there is always the chance that he doesn't get that billet so that is all something to think about. So you're saying that even if him and I got married after he got orders and was at his next command, the Navy wouldn't move me there? I didn't know that, and that seems a little odd especially for sailors who are stationed places for long periods of time... but that wouldn't be a huge obstacle, as long as him and I got BAH and he could live off base with me I could just move myself wherever he is.
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Orders come in two flavors, accompanied and unaccompanied. So only accompanied orders get a paid move for the dependent. When you marry, there has to be enough time for the detailer/BUPERS to know the orders need to be cut as accompanied. That is why the four weeks ahead of orders is standard advice.
Yes, even if he has unaccompanied orders and marries after that, he will get BAH and can move in with you, housing or offbase. The only thing to worry about is if he gets overseas orders. Only E-4 and above can get command sponsorship for their dependents and move them overseas. It can be quite a surprise if you don't know about that, and he is still an E-3.
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Okay that makes sense. We know getting orders overseas is a possibility, which is why we want to get married near the end of A school and before his next command. He is an E-3 right now, so between the next two months of A school and his next training we have our fingers crossed that he will be an E-4 by then.
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