Comment by Anti M on April 20, 2015 at 9:20am

Your situation is unique, so I really don't have those answers. I don't think where you marry matters, as long as it is legal and he can register you as his dependent.

Comment by Ltwjm0206 on May 8, 2016 at 4:20pm

Hi everyone! I'm just reading about this and I didn't know that spouses could be stationed separately. Does this happen often? What ratings usually get stationed overseas? If one doesn't put an overseas base on their list, are they less likely to go overseas? Thank you!

Comment by Anti M on May 9, 2016 at 1:08pm

Almost every rating can go overseas.  If we have ships and bases, we have nearly every type of sailor stationed there.

Yes, it is possible for a mil-mil couple to be stationed apart.  They can put in a special form and request orders together, and the Navy will try, but the needs of the Navy come first.  My husband and I were stationed apart the first two years we were married.  

A sailor fresh out of A school can put whatever they like on their dream sheet, and the detailer tries to some extent to match dream sheets to the orders to be filled, but the job always comes before the preferences of the sailor.  

If they're married to a civilian, they are slightly less likely to go overseas because dependents cannot always go.  But again, the needs of the Navy come first.  If orders come up and there is only one sailor to fill the billet, that sailor goes, married or not, wanting to go or not.

Comment by Ltwjm0206 on May 10, 2016 at 4:13pm

Anti M, I was not aware not mil-civilian spouses could be stationed separately. I did a lot of research before he enlisted and I never knew this. I don't think I would have agreed to this if I had known that we'd be a part for so long. Were you and your husband both military? 

Comment by blackbirdmom on June 18, 2017 at 9:32pm

If the sailor is still in A school, but has his orders, does it matter if he gets married while still in A school or waits until on leave before he reports to his duty station? The orders are for Hawaii, and the sailor does not really want to get married in A school (there will not be a wedding, just the JOP ceremony). He wants to get married, but just wanted to do it at home. I'm not concerned about the actual costs of moving, as they have nothing. They would not have anything to move if it were a stateside duty station. We can pay for the plane ticket to Hawaii. I just want them to be able to have a roof and eat while they are there. :-) From what I'm reading, if they marry while he is on leave, our FR has to check in and then ask for a waiver for command sponsorship because his rank is less than E-4. There is the screening process to go through after that. Our sailor is telling us he can't even get married until he gets permission from his duty station sponsor. If that is so, then how are others getting married while still in GL at A school? We are aware it could take months, or a year, or longer, to get a waiver, even if one is granted. Just trying to get all of our ducks in a row before, and do things the best way we can. I appreciate all the help!

Comment by Anti M on June 19, 2017 at 9:01am

In this specific case, the A school marriage is too little, too late.  Once the orders are issued, it is unusual for the Navy to change them from unaccompanied to accompanied.  Might as well wait.  The timing on A school marriages is generally a minimum of four weeks before orders are expected to be issued.

Training and school commands do require a special request chit when a student sailor marries.  This is to screen for fraudulent marriages, security clearance issues, and to send the young sailor to a class or counseling.  However, once he is out of school, he is a legal adult and can marry without the Navy's permission.  He does NOT need to wait for permission from his new duty station.  They'd chuckle over him asking.  

He is only an E-1?  Congratulations and best wishes on his marriage, but bluntly and realistically, the young couple may be looking at a long distance marriage initially.  Lots of couples manage it, so they should have a plan in place in case the command sponsorship is denied.  My husband and I married when we were both E-6 and spent the first two years of our marriage apart, as we each already had orders.  Just know it can work out, as we've been married 30 years now.  Tell them to hang in there, sometimes it is not easy, and the wait feels like forever, but it is worth it in the end!

Comment by blackbirdmom on June 19, 2017 at 11:43am

We know the orders won't change, and they are going to marry anyway. The rules for marrying right after BC or in A school make sense. They will get married while he is on leave, and then wait. I'll tell him about not having to ask for permission from his sponsor, but I'm sure he'll ask anyway. LOL  He likes to play by the rules and err on the side of caution. 

He will be E-2 shortly, I think. I'm not sure how that part works, so I could be wrong on his rate. They have been together for almost 4 years, waiting a little longer won't hurt them,  And I was looking for blunt and realistic. I don't want either of them to get their hopes up that she can be there in a certain length of time when it probably won't happen. He can start the process, she can do her part, and it will work out in the end. And we can visit in the meantime. Not as often as we could had he been stationed on the East coast, but we will still visit. 

Thanks so much for all of your help with my questions. 

Comment by Anti M on June 20, 2017 at 10:36am

@ Ltwjm0206 ... dual military couples most certainly can be stationed apart.  It is to be expected at some point.  In fact, if you read the regulation, first term sailors are not even eligible for spouse co-location.  Oh, the detailer may try, but there are zero guarantees.  And if the couple are not in the same branch, then they are even less likely to be near each other.

My husband and I were both ET1 when we met and married.  We met on Diego Garcia.  He had orders to a ship out of Sasebo, I got orders to Yokosuka.  Same country, but outside liberty limits.  He could not come see me unless he took leave, and that was not possible often, given the ship was usually in the Persian Gulf.  Even when he did get orders to be near me, out schedules rarely lined up.  After two years, I was ready to re-enlist, but there were no billets for me there.  I would have had to go to California while he stayed in Japan for three more years.  I did not re-enlist, and became a dependent wife instead of a Navy chief.  I'm curious what research you did that was so positive.  Being dual mil is very, very hard.

Comment by Anti M on June 20, 2017 at 10:39am

The Navy doesn't put married couples together unless there are billets open for them.  You go where the jobs are.  If there is nothing for your rate near your spouse, you will not be together.  My husband and I did the same job, so it was hard to be together.  Also couples cannot be at the same command and work together.  It is best if the two are not the same exact rating but also not so far apart as aviation and subs, for example.

Comment by blackbirdmom on June 21, 2017 at 6:54pm

Found out yesterday that his school has been pushed back 5 weeks. His original date for his orders was early Sept, but there is no way he can finish school 5 weeks later and be in Hawaii by early Sept. Plus, there may be a hold time now between sections of the school. He told us his orders could be changed because of that change in schooling. (Something about the program being re-worked and they added more instructional time to it) Do orders get completely changed for something like this? 

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